You Teach People How to Treat You
I came to a realization a few weeks ago: People treat others based on personality.
I should have realized it when I was watching Harold and Kumar’s Trip to White Castle. Remember when Harold’s co-workers dumped all that extra work on him? That’s because Harold was a pushover… until he stood up to them. (Riding that cheetah must have given him the confidence.)
This concept didn’t officially click for me until a few weeks ago. I have a buddy who’s living the Tim Ferris lifestyle. He’s got the email auto-responder and everything… which was the catalyst for me realizing this.
I needed a quick answer to question, so I emailed him. His auto-responder emailed me back with the typical, “Due to a heavy work load, I’m only answering emails at 12 and 4 p.m.” (Which is complete crap… He’s got more free time than anyone I know.)
Anyway – I called him. It seems like such a little thing, doesn’t it? That I’d pick up the phone instead of emailing him… but that’s what made me realize: He had conditioned me to contact him the way he wanted me to.
This doesn’t just apply to email. It applies to everything. If you always say “Yes” to working overtime for your boss… you’ll be the first one who is asked. Or if you constantly show up at 8:15, people will expect it from you. Or if you block an hour out of every afternoon where you don’t answer email or phone calls, people will stop bothering you during that hour.
It becomes a part of you. Your personality. Your brand. You are teaching people how to treat you with every interaction. What have you taught them lately?
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7 Responses
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Wow Andy, you hit that on the nail. I have found that embracing open and collaborative avenues encourages me to put a premium on my availability. I am finding out though that if your not careful this availability eventually turns into “I want it now” mentality. After reading your post I see how and why it happens from a different perspective. Thanks for the insight.
-Daniel
Andy, great post. The more we communicate with others, and lead them, the better and more controlled the responses we will get. Now if only we could control the app invites on Facebook.
@Daniel – I think a lot of people who run small businesses (like you) probably have a much better understanding of this concept than I do. It’s funny how clients begin to expect more and more if you keep giving more to them.
@Greg – Haha – I know exactly what you mean about those damn Facebook app invites… Will people ever learn?
I agree. Communication is key, and just like Pavlov’s dogs were conditioned to react a certain way – people are conditioned to expect certain things based on the way you have acted in the past.
So are you saying that we shouldn’t come in at 8:15 to keep the boss guessing?
@piotr – Come in at 8:15 everyday and the boss won’t have to worry about guessing.
Andy: Just found your blog. Love it. Especially like this post. Digital communication has allowed quicker responses, but it’s also fostered a climate of “Respond To Me Now!” as a fellow poster pointed out.
Setting boundaries is key. Thanks for the insight.
Justin
@Justin – I’ve been kind of following you (in a non-stalkerish way) for a while. It’s hard not to when your name and bio is all over Juice.
Thanks for the comment.